Animal abuse is never a laughing matter … except this one time it kind of sounded like one.
In what was originally reported as a legit news story, a San Diego sailor purportedly captured a raccoon and forced the unsuspecting victim to blow into a Breathalyzer so his car could start.
The driver was supposed to be a Marine with a history of drunk driving. Thus the suspect’s car was equipped with a breathalyzer interlock system.
The purported incident report — posted on Imgur — describes how the man unsuccessfully tried to start the vehicle while intoxicated before having the bright idea to head to snatch a raccoon from the park to help him start his car. The helpless animal had been minding his own business inside a trash can.
The car did start, but the man in question apparently squeezed the raccoon so hard it became unconscious. What supposedly happened next is the truly priceless part. The furry victim was reported to have regained consciousness and begin scratching and biting the driver. Of course, the dude did not stop the car and instead crashed the vehicle into an inground pool.
When police arrived on the scene, the driver was supposedly found with scratches and bite marks all over his hands, feet, stomach and arms.
Sadly, the sordid original story may have been too good to be true — the San Diego Union Tribune checked with a Camp Pendleton officer who claimed it was a hoax and that no such funny business ever ensued. Good news for raccoons everywhere, we guess?
Read more: Imgur
Read more: CBS Detroit
Photo: Imgur/ Wikimedia Commons