Drunk Woman Allegedly Caught Pissing In Kroger Pizza Freezer

Frozen Pizza Pisser

Pizza is great. Who doesn’t love pizza? Especially pizza with toppings! Pepperoni and sausage for meat lovers; mushrooms, olives and peppers for vegetarians; pineapple or BBQ chicken for those who are feelin’ a little wild – the list goes on. One thing most people can agree on, however, is that a pizza topped with piss (piss-a pizza?) would be disgusting.

The one person who might disagree by shouting “Urine-sane!” is the as-yet unnamed woman who was allegedly busted peeing in the frozen pizza freezer at a Peoria, Illinois, Kroger supermarket not once, but twice late last week. One witness told police he was “shocked and appalled” when he reportedly saw the 45-year-old woman drop her drawers and begin to urinate in the very same freezer holding delicious Jack’s brand pizza pies. The woman apparently noticed she was being watched too, because she caught the man’s eye and raised her index finger to her lips as if to shush him.

Asked why she decided to empty her bladder in the frozen pizza freezer, the obviously intoxicated woman replied, “I had to go.” Yes, lady, that much was clear. The store was forced to throw out 10 of Jack’s brand personal pizzas, worth a retail value of $33.34.

Kroger spokesman John Elliot released this statement:

“Kroger takes food safety and sanitation very seriously and the store team reacted appropriately in response to this bizarre incident. The entire contents of that freezer section were removed. The freezer unit was partially disassembled and the entire freezer unit was sanitized. No food product will be offered for sale that was even remotely impacted by this incident.”

The woman was given two misdemeanor citations and a city ordinance violation and was cited for criminal damage to property, disorderly conduct, and public indecency. She’s been barred from shopping (and whizzing) at Kroger ever again.

Read more: PJ Star

Photo: By ProjectManhattan (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons