In these first days of the new year, it can be hard to get back to the grind, as many people have been on break for winter holidays. And work is work, so, naturally, we’ve all at least entertained the notion at some point of concocting a “questionable” excuse for taking a day off.
The following five job-dodgers, however, upped their stay-at-home strategies from standard ploys such as pretending to be sick to off-the-wall criminal activity on the order of bomb threats and self-mutilation.
Just remember: Punching the clock at even the lamest paid gig beats any time at all spent behind bars!
1. UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA COFFEE SERVER FAKES BOMB SCARE FOR “ME TIME”
GAINESVILLE, FL — On an otherwise uneventful afternoon at the University of Florida’s Gainesville campus, a group of students happened upon a note left in a restroom alleging that a bomb was about to go off inside the school’s engineering building.
While the threat turned out to be bogus, authorities evacuated the area and cancelled classes for the day. Some sharp detective work led rather quickly to Jessica Ward, 24, an employee of Java Hut, a coffee shop on the university’s grounds. Police arrested Ward and charged her with false reports concerning planting a bomb, explosive, or weapon of mass destruction on state-owned property — a second-degree felony.
When asked why she wrote the phony bomb note, Ward reportedly explained she was in need of some “me time.” [CrimeFeed]
2. TWO MEN IN JAPAN STAB THEMSELVES TO SKIP WORK — 3 DAYS APART
AICHI PREFECTURE, JAPAN — On February 22, 2017, Masaru Miura, 54, stumbled bleeding over to a police call box, complaining that “an unknown man” had stabbed him in the hip from behind while he was using a subway urinal.
The “unknown man” turned out to Miura himself, whose story fell apart rapidly, prompting him to confess that he’d plunged a five-inch knife into himself over issues of workplace stress. Officers arrested Miura for interfering with police duties, after which he reportedly admitted, “I didn’t want to go to work so I did it.”
Shockingly, then, on February 25, another man in Fukoka knifed himself and claimed it happened during a robbery attempt to get out of his shift at a baked goods company.
Initially, the unidentified man told the cops, “Someone tried to steal my backpack, and when I tried to resist, I got stabbed by an object with a blade.” After a round of vigorous questioning, however, the subject allegedly confessed, “I didn’t want to go to work, so I stabbed myself.” He was charged with filing a false report. [Japan Kyo]
ST. AUGUSTINE, FL — On the evening of February 22, 2017, Dominque Lewis Jones, 28, dialed 911 from a Howard Johnson hotel to report getting mugged as he left his room there.
Jones claimed an unknown assailant approached him from behind, ordered him to the ground, and took his wallet. Alas, Jones could not supply even the slightest description of his attacker, nor in which direction he fled because, of course, none of that ever happened.
Police determined that Jones was lying and immediately found the supposedly pilfered wallet next to the bed in Jones’s room. Officers charged Jones with filing a false report and misuse of 911. Deputies reported that Jones had made up the tall tale to avoid clocking in to his job. [Palm Beach Post]
HOLLY HILL, FL — When Metra Electronics employee Letisha Anne Vester, 33, decided she needed a day off, she made sure 300 of her fellow workers would, at least temporarily, be joining her.
Just prior to her 9 A.M. shift in Metra’s paint department, Vester allegedly left a voicemail message with the company’s Human Resources department in which she claimed that a bomb had been planted somewhere on the expansive grounds of the facility. After a full evacuation, a three-hour detour of traffic, and a sweep by a K-9 Explosive Detection unit, police determined the threat to be a hoax and traced the voicemail to Vester’s personal phone number.
Officers charged Vester with a felony count of reporting a false bomb, and simultaneously nabbed her for an outstanding felony larceny warrant. Vester reportedly said her reason for making the bomb threat was because she just “needed a break.” And she got one! [Orlando Sentinel]
Recommended For You:
Main photos: Jessica Ward [Alachua County Sheriff’s Office], Dominique Jones [St. John’s County Sheriff’s Office], Letisha Vester [Volusia County Corrections]